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How do I explain death to my 4 year olds?

(When I struggle to deal with it myself)IMG_8842

In the four years my children have been alive a number special people in our lives have died. The Twins had been a little young to know whats happening. When I lost my Nan my twins were only two. They will have noticed she wasn’t here anymore however they don’t really remember her! 

A couple of days ago however the next door neighbour of my nan (who I have known since they both moved there about 30 years ago ) died – She had been having a few health issues over the past year but had such a positive outlook! She was in her 90s and so much more agile than my nan was at 90!

As I came off the phone to my mum I realised I was crying and J & M were looking at me!

I tried to explain but I don’t think they understood!

I tried the well “Mrs G” won’t be here anymore she has gone to be with my nanny somewhere in the stars!

Can we see her they asked! – I told them that we wouldn’t be able to see her again now.

I didn’t know what to say –  I think many of us are inept at dealing with death. I was talking to someone the other day who said I the olden days death was just what happened. In fact in times of poverty it was probably a bit of a relief as sick couldn’t work so therefore were a burden!  These times we as family dealt with the funeral ourselves.

Nowadays that job is usually  given to a funeral home so we only ever talk  about death through closed doors!

I am one of those inept people – I don’t deal with death very well and therefore am a little scared of my own mortality or selfishly the mortality of people around me (what will I feel when there gone?)

So with all this in mind I want to do the right thing by my two. I don’t want them to grow up with this fear that I have and that my dad had that death is something to fear so much so that it interferes with living!

Googling how to talk to a preschooler about death I came up with many don’ts

  • Don’t tell them that the person has gone to sleep – This may cause the child to not want to go to sleep
  • Don’t tell them the person has gone away – Leaving the child may then be an issue as they may think you have “gone away”
  • Don’t tell them the person has been so good that jesus wanted them – The child might start playing up so they don’t get chosen
  • Don’t tell the child the person is happy now they have gone – the child might question why the person is so happy when everyone around them is sad!

So what do I say instead?

What do I say to my 4 year olds about where this person who was a part of our lives is now?

How do explain death to them?

If you have any words of wisdom please leave in the comments below or message me on facebook.

Thanks

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Fitness Friday – So close!

If you follow my instagram feed and My Fitness Pal account  you will see that from Monday I started logging my food & tracking my steps –

I started the week quite terrible – It was my birthday on Monday so my food included chocolate cake! and as we had been camping over the weekend my watch was flat so I couldn’t track my steps either!

However as the week progresses I have done a lot better. I got up to 8500 steps on Wednesday – This was walking J & M to holiday club I also managed to fit a swimming session in too!

This morning I was hopeful that I could have hit the 10000 with a holiday club run and some free time for a walk around the village – Unfortunately M was poorly in the night and having a day off from Holiday club so you will have to check out my instagram feed later to see how I got on!

I thought I could also fit in a swim today but again with M off I couldn’t take her with me! Also My time of the month just arrived and she’s makes herself well-known so I’m just going to end up having a lazy day I think!

Updates

I’ve rejoined the Spa! – The motivation to swim there is so much better I feel so much more relaxed there!

Next step is to get up earlier and get a yoga sequence in before J & M get up. Yoga makes me feel so much better for the day ahead.

This past week knowing that you are following my progress has been my motivation, so this week my plan is a “a week of yoga” vlog on my YouTube channel.

The video will hopefully go live at the same time as next weeks Fitness Friday post.

To see how I get on don’t forget to subscribe to my Channel, Follow my Instagram feed & Follow me here on my blog!

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Another Baby?

Lately we, as a family, have been toying with the idea of having another baby.

I have two healthy children who are on a whole happy.

So why would we want another baby?

I had a planned but unwanted C Section – I have never really got over the fact that my children came out of the sunroof so to speak.  They were taken out 4 weeks before the due date according to when they were conceived.  They turned at every scan so chances are they could have turned again had they left them a bit longer.c965e1d0208d83623be8910d06517035

Anyway that’s another blog post!

I never wanted children until I found someone I wanted to make a family with then we wanted a big family.

I would love to have all my grown children round for dinner with their partners.

I love the moment in the film ‘It’s Complicated’ where her children are there and they are all having dinner around the table laughing and generally having a good time!

I would love to have those mornings again bonding with my new baby, (that newborn baby smell, the little noises they make) and generally getting to know each other.

Myself and Hubby are not getting any younger and I think if we don’t try again now it’s going to be too late!

However, in order to get my body and mind free of medication, I stopped (through the doctor’s advice) taking the tablets that I was on for depression.

I have felt myself dip! I’m crying a lot more. My anxiety is off the scale. I’m scared of everything!

I’m not sure trying to get pregnant is the right thing to do!

I think I need to be happy and present within the family I have got rather than trying to extend the family.

I think I need to get my wellbeing in shape.

I love my family and want to do all I can to keep them happy and safe!

I need to learn to accept that things don’t always go as planned.

I am going to concentrate being a better mum, step mum and wife to the family I have.

Although I would rather not be back on the meds I think if it’s what is going to keep me and my family happy then it is the right thing to do!

I have been to the doctor today and talked it through with her and, for now, I’m going to try using St, Johns Wart and she has referred me back for talking therapy.

If we still decide, in the future, that we want to extend our family, then maybe we will look into other options like adoption!

But just for now I’m going to concentrate on working on a better version of myself!

Traveling with Twins- Glamping at Finca de Arrieta Lanzarote.

Well last Thursday we returned from a holiday in Lanzarote, while we were there we booked into a Yurt for a couple of nights. SAMSUNG CSC

From Friday afternoon when we checked in to Sunday morning when we checked out I went offline! – This is a great place to do a phone detox. – More on this in a later post!

Lanzarote Retreats have an amazing portfolio of properties and an eco village, Finca De Arrieta where we stayed.

We arrived on the Friday afternoon and Self Checked in,  the key hanging in the door of the yurt. In the private garden of  our yurt was a modern kitchen area, in it was a welcome basket with tea, milk coffee & snacks.

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We soon unpacked our bag and had a wander around the site.

First into the community area which housed  an honesty fridge” where you need to be careful as its easy to strike up quite a tab when you’re not parting with money there and then!

There is a comfy floor cushion area great for having a go with the guitar that’s there.

 

Out side this is the shared pool. The pool is in the style of Cesar Manrique(An Artist and architect born in Lanzarote) It is solar heated and is a great size for kids to have a splash or to do a few lengths first thing in a morning.

We arrived in the heat of the day so head to the “honesty Shop” and grab a couple of ice lollies  to cool down.

Once the sun has gone down a little we explore the rest of the site. Grabbing a couple of carrots that I’ve been told to bring we head to feed the donkeys who I’m told may be pregnant. Near the donkeys are the chickens. there were no eggs for us that day but we did manage to get one on our last day.

There is only one thing to do after seeing the animals and that’s to test out the play park!

After working up an appetite on the play equipment we went back to the yurt and fire up our very own BBQ . While Daddy is on chef duty J&M take a nap in the Hammock .

For a treat after dinner we took a walk down the path to the beach with J&M’s new kites.

It’s soon dark, and we finally manage to put the kids in bed (everything was just too exciting so they didn’t want to go to bed) and hubby and I have a drink sat on the sun loungers (now Moon loungers) and we watch the stars. Up that end of the Island there is so little light pollution its great for stargazing We could even see mars!

The next morning we woke and had a lazy morning I went for a swim, the kids played in the shared covered day bed near by and hubby sat with his coffee on one of the sunloungers by the pool.

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In the evening we had a drive out but J&M were both tired and grumpy so we headed back to a nearby restaurant and while dinner arrived they had a little play on the beach – The restaurant is just a little walk from the Finca De Arrietta.

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That night we did a little more star-gazing.

The next day I woke early before the sun had risen from the sea and I spotted a  lady we had made friends with the day before. We watched the sunrise and drank a cuppa before anyone else even knew it was a new day.

Soon after another swim it was time to check out and pay for all of the things we had put on our tab from the honesty shop!

I would recommend this place to anyone wanting a quality Glamping experience – The accommodation was comfy and clean & the whole site feels safe for my children to play.

The pool & community areas were amazing and they were cleaned every day!

We will definitely be going again to Finca De Arrieta. It was great to just switch off for a while. The kids loved the play park and feeding the Donkeys, We all enjoyed looking if the chickens had laid any eggs!

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*This post is not sponsored and our trip was paid for in full by ourselves This is an honest opinion of our stay!

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Fitness Friday – 10,000 Steps & 4 pints of water?

Good Morning everyone.

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I need to up the ante regarding my fitness and well-being.

If you saw Mays post ‘They weren’t all toned size 6′ you will know that I joined the Bannatynes Gym.

However I’m not really feeling motivated at Bannatynes to be honest.

I think I am going to go back to the spa after this month has finished as it just feel better there, the pool is brighter and the atmosphere is more calming!

I never got around to joining the zumba class – I was ill the first week then my anxiety was on high alert so I never got around to going!

With my emotional health in mind the spa is a better choice for me!

So to improve my emotional health & fitness I have gone back to basics – I have donned the I Watch and started tracking my steps.

We are supposed to be taking around 10,000 steps per day to be classed as active. For the past week I have only managed 5,000 per day So this is where I think I need to start.

Also water plays a vital part of our well-being we should be drinking 8 x 8oz glasses of water per day converted to pints that’s around 4 pints I think I’m drinking half of that.

I have one pint before bed and half a pint on waking. then about another pint through the day. So not bad but I do drink a lot of tea too!

As soon as I get back from my camping weekend with the girls I really need to put some exercise back into my everyday.

I’m going to be tracking my steps on my iwatch and adding yoga to my mornings again!

I will be doing a weekly post called Fitness friday here I will update you with anything I’m doing fitness wise as well as posting how many steps I’ve managed to do each day

along with my weekly post I will be on Instagram each evening with my daily steps and water consumption.  Follow me here to see how I do & If you fancy joining in post your steps with the hashtag #rfacsteps I will repost as many as I can!

I would also like to get back into watching what I eat I have joined my fitness pal Hopefully I will manage to track what I eat!

If you would like to follow me on here just click the picture.

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Please leave me some words of encouragement below.

Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram to check up on my daily steps.

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