As I crawl through the house at 5am on the weekend trying to locate a tooth that was lost and replace it with a shiny penny.
I find an envelope and start putting fancy writing on it from The Tooth Fairy. Saying how sorry I am that she couldn’t find the tooth and that as it’s a first one she will leave a penny anyway.
I realise that I’m gonna be knackered again by teatime.
People wonder why parents are so exhausted.
Well this is just one of the reasons.
Here are a few more. Let me know if you think I’ve missed any off the list.
10 reasons you won’t sleep when your a parent.
Newborn Phase. To start with newborns will need to be woken or will often be awake waiting for those night feeds. This exhaustion is kind of ok as your still on a high normally from having your new little bundle or bundles in your life.
4 Month Regression. Your newborn may have a short stint to lull you into a false sense of security. However this may be short lived the 4 month is a bitch.
Teething. Babies can go through a terrible time when they are teething. And they won’t be the only ones. Sleeplessness can be a big symptom of teething. Ibuprofen is good. As are teething powders. Oh and coffee.
I want my do do. Yes I know giving babies a dummy will inevitable end in tears being shed. Normally us parents. But babies can often lose the bunny in the night and not be able to settle off again without it. This screaming for said dummy ending up with you scrambling for it in the dark.
Bed Wetting bAs your kids get older you will start potty training. If you decide to brave no nappy at night you may find yourself be woken by little ones telling you they have wet their bed. Who knew so much pee could come out of someone so small. So change of bed, jammers, or leave until the morning and brave them sleeping with you?
Illness. When my kids are ill I actually let them sleep in our room on their own mattress. I get them a bowl if they are sick, tissues for a runny nose and plenty of vicks for stuffy noses. Their illness will have them waking up and telling you they are gonna be sick. A few times a night probably. You will need to empty the bowl and clean their face. While you try to keep both eyes open.
Nightmares. Dreams about bats coming to get them, falling into water and not being able to swim and monsters coming out of the wardrobe to name a few. Nightmare will end with your own mini nightmare. Your child will probably stand at the side of your bed staring at you from an inch away from your face. Your unconscious mind will feel this presence and alert you. Waking you up to the small child literally in your face. You will either now have to share your bed with the scary creature you produced yourself or try and reassure them there are no monsters in the wardrobe. Meanwhile you’ve had a mini heart attack from that angelic face that was an inch away from your own.
ELVES. Some parents including me will buy into the Elf On The Shelf thing at Christmas. This will mean you are up late at night after everyone else is in bed moving said elf. Either that or you will wake early in a morning thinking shit shit shit. Where shall I put that thing today. You bought this thing. You did yourself out of those early nights in December!! Just remember that.
Tooth Fairy. As mentioned above. Kids teeth fall out about 6/7 years old. The tooth fairy will need to come. You must wait to retrieve said tooth until everyone is asleep. Like properly asleep. I mean who made this thing up anyway. A fairy swaps teeth for a coin then they build castles with the teeth. Teeth that are smaller than a ricecrispie. That the child has to put under his or her pillow. Where their head will be. What in God’s name would make anyone think this is a good idea.
Worry. Throughout your children’s lives there will be nights when they will sleep soundly and you will be wide awake. Not sleeping because your little one (or big one) is causing you worry for one reason or another. It could be an unexplained tummy ache. A little rash that you will google and decide you need to go to A&E only to discover when you wash their face to sooth them the rash disappears. It must have been a splash of juice or that lolly pop they had this afternoon.
So if I’ve left anything out or you can relate to any of these leave your funny stories in the comments.
Of course most of the above can be overcome with plenty of daytime naps and failing that coffee. All of the coffee.
I wouldn’t change these sleepless nights for the world. You just have to remember that these things will pass and when they do you will give anything to be five if your baby that night feed one more time.
Join my sleeplessness ramblings over on my instagram stories.
If your up in the night take comfort in knowing your not the only one.