Vow To Be The Perfect Parent?

Last week we went to watch Jason Manford. He was hilarious however one of his jokes really resonated with me. I suppose that’s why I find him so funny, the jokes are funny because they are true.

The joke was set up around the fact that everyone has two versions of our self. The version on the right being the one that is perfect, drives well, doesn’t swear, keeps fit and is the best parent in the world.

Then there’s the one on the left, the person we actually are. the road rage driver, the sweary Mc’sweary pants, the one who eats junk food on the way home from the gym. the parent that shouts, and loses patience with our children. The parent that gives them the electronic baby sitter just to get a cuppa, the one who wishes they could be that perfect parent 24 hours a day.

Unfortunately non of us are perfect, not one. If someone thinks they are or says they are they are lying.

What’s the point I’m trying to make?

Well its like this a few weeks ago a boy local to us was tragically knocked down on his way home from school the boy was only a few years older than my eldest two. The boy was taken to hospital but could not be saved.

When this happened a lot of parents I know and myself said we would vow to become better parents, not shout at their kids so much, teach them the dangers of the world but not scare them in the process, they would keep a closer eye on their children. a week or two passed and although the boy hasn’t been forgotten about the vows to be that perfect parent had.

Until last week!

Last week a girl Jake & Melody went to nursery with died suddenly. She was 6 years old. her life ahead of her. Her dad is an old school friend of mine and is still good friends with my cousin. The girl was 6. SIX years old. I can’t even begin to think how her mum and dad are feeling.

Also last week an old school friend of mine died of cancer. (She had battled it for years) She was obviously not a child in the sense of age but her mum is still her mum and in her eyes she was still her child! Her mum once said to me “you know what, she sometimes just rings me to go round so that she can sit on my knee for a cuddle!”

Again I just can’t imagine and pray, to whoever, I never have to go through the loss of a child.

But these tragedies always bring our right hand self to the front of our brains the one who wants to be perfect.

The past week or so, me and hubby have vowed to be a better parent, the one who doesn’t yell, the one who says yes, The perfect parent with kids who have brushed hair & teeth and a decent breakfast in their bellies before they go to school, all without shouting.

As I said before no one is perfect. This idea of a perfect parent is great in principle but life gets in the way. We often shout to protect our children, like when they are about to walk into the road, or climb up a wall that’s too high. Our own fears kick in and we shout. Sometimes we get upset as our children have broken a toy that cost a lot of money, our emotions kick in and we shout because of the money that has been lost now the toy is broken.

The trouble is once we have shouted we get mum or dad guilt that we’ve upset our kids, or guilt that some people would give anything to be able to have that school run stress with their child.

That said I do want to be a better parent, I want to stop shouting, swearing, and be present more. especially when we start our new home education journey. When we are together a lot more of the time we are bound to have disagreements but we all need to be in a better place in order to deal with them.

Here are 5 ways I think I can be the better parent (Remember I said better, not perfect. There is no such thing)

Sleep

Me – Being tired is a big contributor to my “shouty” me. Sometimes lack of sleep can’t be avoided as a parent but I need to try to get a better nights sleep.

Kids – If the kids are tired they get whingy, I need to make sure they also get enough sleep.

Screens

Me – When I am trying to do something either on my phone or laptop I know I can lose patience, especially if what I’m trying to do doesn’t go well or needs a lot of concentration. I need to start doing these tasks when the kids are in bed, or are engrossed in their own tasks

Kids – Screen time needs to be limited, they often get into something and then don’t listen when they are asked to do something. or they get upset when I say it’s time to switch off.

Outdoors

Me – I already know that being outdoors is better for my wellbeing and therefore I am a much better person for getting outside. If I’ve had time in the outdoors I am less stressed and more present.

Kids – Kids often feel penned in when they haven’t been able to play outside. I need to make more of an effort to get out even if the weather is not great.

Talk

Instead of constantly shouting orders and instructions,   I need to explain why things can be  dangerous. Set up routines so the kids know what is expected, use other ways to discipline other than shouting.

Dont Stress

Try to keep stress to a minimum, I know this can be hard, but it will help to stay calmer in heated situations.

But also try not to stress when you do have a moment of being that left-sided you. The you that just can’t help but shout. Make sure afterwards you explain what made you mad or sad. Explain that sometimes we all become that left sided person and that’s ok.

I hope those connected to the recent tragedies can one day find light, I just want them to know they are thought about each and every day.

Nina x

Getting a Better Nights Sleep 8 Tips

Last week I had a terrible night of sleep. It wasnt purely down to the kids though they did factor into it.

It’s hard to sleep well if you’re a mum to babies, or children that don’t sleep well but sleep is so important.

Your body repairs its self while you sleep. Especially important if you’re recovering from an operation.

When I’ve had a good nights sleep I feel like I can tackle anything.

To give myself a better chance of getting a decent night of sleep here are 5 ways to give me a head start.

Screen Time 

This is a big one for me my phone is the last thing I check at night and the first thing I do in a morning, Also myself and hubby often fall asleep with sleep timer on the TV listening to some kind of sitcom. I really need to banish the phone from the side of my bed.

It is advised to give up the screen for at least an hour before bed. instead I will try to read a book.

Sleepy Tea

I often opt for a decaf tea towards the end of the day as full caffeine tea contributed to insomnia and reflux after a certain time. However I think going to opt for a naturally caffeine free tea like clipper Sleepy Tea or a green tea.

Outdoors

We’ve all heard people say when a child nods off after a trip to th park or seaside, “It will be all that fresh air”  Well it seems regular stints outside can get your body into a better rhythm. Being outdoors in fresh air & sunlight regularly will help your body regulate melatonin which will help you fall asleep more easily and help your body get in to better sleep cycles.

Eat Better

This doesn’t just mean eating healthy it means eating at least 2 hours before bed to enable food to digest before laying down. As a sufferer of reflux and indigestion in the past, laying down after a meal can cause all sorts of pain and discomfort. Touch wood since eating less fat I have had no symptoms lately.

Write It Down 

If my head is full of things to do It’s hard to fall asleep, I sometimes have a note-book at the side of my bed to write thoughts, things to do, ideas, shopping lists. It helps to stop my brain whiring at night.

Yoga

I started a habit a long time ago of doing yoga in a morning and at night I fell out of doing this when I became pregnant. I need to get back into it now I’m feeling better after my op. I opt for following a Yoga with Adriene  bedtime sequence on YouTube.

Sanctuary

We have just had our bedroom redecorated and still need to put some finishing touches to it to make it our sanctuary.(Currently the babies are still sleeping in our room as we are till having to settle them a couple of times a night. I need to get them sleeping through and into their own room soon though but this is a sleep post for adults not babies. that’s a whole other ball game! ) Id like to get some plants in there and a nice Cheval mirror. Making our bedroom an area that feels tidy, and clean helps you feel more relaxed and therefore sleep better.

Sleep when your tired 

This may sound obvious, but if you go to bed when your wide awake chances are you wont sleep. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night and cant get back to sleep. When this happens I get up make a cuppa and sit in a different room so I don’t wake everyone else. Normally I would get out my phoe and check the world but I’m going to try to read if this happens to get myself back to sleep.

I am in no way a professional sleep therapist if you are struggling with insomnia I suggest you consult a professional or talk to your doctor. There may be an underlying reason for your insomnia.

Nina x

Dreaming of .. Spring Wardrobe with FatFace

Although without a doubt my favourite time of year is Christmas, I can’t wait for spring/ Summer to arrive now. I’m longing to wear my flip flops. Not only does warmer weather mean less in the washing basket but for me this year Since having The summer twins & gallstones I have lost a bit of weight. Which brings an opportunity to update my wardrobe somewhat.

One of my favourite high street stores is FatFace. I love the style of their clothing, & the sizing is very generous.

I have a few things on my FatFace wish list at the moment. Here are a few of them.

I love this outfit its great for those cooler days!

What about these Ideal for getting back into sea swimming maybe even in the UK.

What about this outfit for school day style.

I could spend a months wages at FatFace Clothing but just for now I will be picking just a few things off my list.

Whats on your wish list?

Do you love FatFace as much as me?

Nina x

This post has not been sponsored in anyway I just really love the brand.

February Plans.

There’s so many plans being made at Spencer’s ARC this month. So many trips to be made and things to be done.

It was a little to much for my little square on instagram so I thought I’d let you know over here instead.

So what’s happening in February?

  • Well first of all as per my blog this morning we have a lot of recovering to do what with my op, nanny’s Sue’s flu & the babies chicken pox.
  • It’s my Nephews birthday this month. And in our friendship group one of the girls turns 7 and she’s having a bowling party so we have at least one party and one play date.
  • It’s shrove Tuesday (pancake day) this month so no doubt I’ll be cooking a million pancakes with at least 4 different toppings. If I’m feeling up to it we might have a bit of a pancake party.
  • Me & Spencer’s ARC Daddy are off on a date night to see Jason Manford at Sheffield City Hall. The tickets Came this week and to be honest I’d completely forgotten about it until I opened them.
  • We have half term – where we plan on a trip to see the Tim Peak exhibition at the National Railway Museum in York. You can actually take a look inside Tim Peaks capsule., learn to become an astronaut, and code the launch of a rocket.
  • We really need a trip to the seaside this month. I love the sea, and I’ve really missed it. I don’t think we’ve even seen the seaside since August last year.
  • I think Spencer’s ARC Daddy has another trip away this month too so we may have another solo parenting week coming up too.

That’s pretty much it apart from more planning for our new adventures and for me working on my blog a little more.

What plans do you have for February?

What do you plan to do in the Half term holidays?

Nina x

Word Of The Month – February

I told you last month that instead of giving myself new year goal or resolutions each month I would set a word Of the moth to live by. I’m taking each month at a time.

At the end of January I had my gallstone op, it’s going to take some time to get back to normal again.

It’s like almost getting to the end of the snakes and ladders board and then coming across a snake.

My word for this month is Recover

I didn’t really expect my op to come along so soon however I’m glad its now over and done with.

Nanny sue is still trying to recover from the flu.

Also the babies have now got the big twins chicken pox. So we all just need to take a rest and recover.

Throughout February We will be concentration on getting better. Recovering from my op. Recovering from chicken pox.

  • Little and Often – I need to get moving but I also need to rest so I will concentrate on trying to hit my 10,000 steps a day.
  • I need to rest when I can. This past month has really took it out of me.
  • I can’t swim until next month so I’ll need to find another way to relax.
  • I can’t lift for at least 2 weeks so I need to accept help from family & friends. I can’t even lift my babies.

By the end of the month I’ll be 4 weeks post op and well on the way to feeling like a new woman (according to others that have had their gallbladder removed)

Then we can put the last year well and truly behind us.

Nina x