Right before we go any further I just want to say There is no such thing as the perfect mum! Right Ive got that off my chest Ill explain later but first lets just take a moment to embrace the amazing mother you already are! You are here for a start right? You find yourself reading this you are struggling with something right now am I right? Well becuase you seeking ways to fix whatever is going on right now means that you are already AMAZING! So read on my friend to find 10 ways to be an amazing mum!
I want to be the perfect mum!
Ok so lets get that vision of perfect out of your head. What even is perfect? tidy house all the time? Always put together, always has time for the kids no matter what, fresh home made meals every night all sat around the table, limited screen time, drives the best car, never shouts, never has a bad word to say about anyone.
The list goes on! OMG! How boring would life be to tick every one of those boxes? To be Perfect? I would even argue that my idea of the perfect mum is different to yours, which is a different version of perfect to that of my husband, to that of the mum you already see as perfect’s vision of perfect.
Parents constantly seeking perfection actually harm their ability to parent! In fact “seeking perfection in parenting parents are less likely to parent effectively!”This is taken from a study by Sarah Shoppe Sullivan
You are already amazing
I have already stated what an amazing job you are doing even if it does not feel like that right now. But you are just look. Look at the memories you have already shared, the dinners you have cooked, the night feeds you struggled with, the processes you went through to give you that job role of all job roles – mum!
What I would love you to do before you implement any of the tips here is to take a moment to ask your children (If they are old enough to answer.) why they think you are an awesome mummy. Now this question may need tweaking for children going through their own set of challenges so if you need extra support on this feel free to head into facebook or instagram and we can have a chat about where you could get some extra support from!
I asked my kids and they said things like “because you take us on holiday”, “Because you are silly”, “you give good snuggles”
Ok I’m an awesome mum but I still need a few ways to be even better!
Simplify, Simplify, Simplify
I kept banging on about “trying to live a simple life” yet It wasn’t until I sat down and looked around one day that i actually had achieved it! Ok my home isn’t minimalist, but I’ve cut down on the crap in life, our family schedule is lighter, the list of things I often used to worry about are shrunk, I dont buy as much stuff, But my my own standards I feel like life is a lot simpler now than it ever has been. Even with what often feels like a million kids!
Top Up Your Teapot first!
Self care gets banded around A LOT! It is often talked about as bubble baths, walks in the sunshine, a quick brew and a sneaky bar of chocolate and while all that is fan bloody tastic Self care is more than that! Its about your whole wellbeing. Its about what you stuff in your face, what you do in your day to day, how you sleep, when you move everything. If you want to find out more about your teapot filling I have an amazing Self Care program that is self guided for you! Lets get Self(ish) is such a great program that will talk you through why its important to look after you first and how to implement self care into you busy #mumlife!
Morning has broken
Yeh morning chaos has broken me more like! If you are scraping yourself out of bed with the noise of the kids after scrolling for the past hour and now you are stressed because you cant find shoes, the kids have poured cereal all over and you haven’t even had your first brew yet then something needs to change! I find getting up and out of bed before the rest of the house gives me a chance to create a little morning ritual where I then head into my day less stressed. My morning ritual includes a little bit of meditation, my morning brew, a moment outside to breathe in the first morning air, as well as getting a few chores ticked off and getting the breakfast ready for the kids coming downstairs.
Praise the good
We often find ourselves trying to stop the unwanted behaviours dont we? Yet how often do you praise the good behaviours? Tell our kids how thankful we are for the things they do. How good it makes you feel when they play with their siblings, take turns, talk nicely to each other, remember their manners etc. Next time you find you have a quiet moment think about the good the kids have done tell them.
Healthy Food For Life
I know how hard it is to get healthy foods inside our children but if we start leading by example and cutting out the not so great stuff then our children will learn and start to understand about the healthy relationship with food. Often our children reach for snack after snack after snack. I am not saying you can never have a chocolate bar in the house again but we have to teach them and ourselves that these things are not for consuming every day. We can make simple swaps for healthier snacks. There are some great resources out there to make meal times a little easier.
Spending 20 mins a day one to one time with our children is so beneficial to our bond with them, to their emotional wellbeing, to their development when they are young and for teaching them how to play. When you have multiple children in a family, add to that household chores and work commitments etc it can be hard to fit in one to one time each day for everyone. Another option for this one to one time os to have a “date” with our children maybe you could commit to each child on different days, maybe one week you can take the teen out for coffee and a chat, maybe you can kick a ball about with your 8 year old, it could be that you have a spa day with one of your children. What ever it is that helps you both connect a little more on that one to one basis.
Shut Down The Tech
Everywhere I go there is someone buried in a screen, whether in the coffee shop, the tweens bedroom, walking down the street, even the school gates. I love tech, its given me so much. An amazing community, friends that get me and have my back, hope when I was going through my toughest of days. There is so many positives to tech but there is also a down side to it. It distracts us, it can make us feel depressed even. So we should take breaks from tech often. Especially when we are with our children. I know that they are fantastic for a bit of peace every now and again. I mean there is something to be said for minecraft & cbeebies. So give yourself a break every now and again!
Non Negotiable and house rules
If we have rules that we expect everyone to follow, then everyone needs to know the rules by making a list of house rules. House rules can be anything from your non negotiables list. It could be no screens at the dinner table or no shoes in the house, being kind to siblings and friends which you can mix in with things like have an adventure each week, kids pick Friday night movie and other fun things.
Mistakes are Ideal learning opportunities
Let those mistakes happen, we all make them its how we grow, how we learn, how we develop a new way. Our children learn the same way, as well as seeing how we deal with our own mistakes. When we admit our mistakes openly our children can see they are ok to make mistakes too. SO admit and accept that sometimes mistakes can happen.
Get the Help
There is no shame in asking for help! it doesn’t matter what you need the help with! Maybe you are thinking about getting a cleaner, or your mum irons for you. Maybe you are thinking of working with a coach or mentor to help you get on track with your business, your health, your home etc. It could be that you have felt ashamed of getting some help for your mental wellbeing. But if you need help you need help! There is absolutely no shame in asking for help.
So remember You already are an amazing mum and there is no such thing as perfect however these few tips will elevate your motherhood a little bit more if you want that.
If you have found this helpful and want to go deeper into making your motherhood less stressful, less overwhelming and start celebrating and embracing the imperfectly chaotic moments of motherhood which is where I believe the best memories live Then why not pop over to the Chaotic Motherhood tribe over on facebook where we chat about all things motherhood and life in general. We have guest experts come in to give us ways to improve our motherhood.
The community is a great place to find connection with like minded mums, a place where you will not feel alone!